Ask Wednesday

Dear Wednesday,
If a guest isn’t able to make it to the wedding, should I expect a wedding gift in lieu of their attendance?

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Although it is proper etiquette for the invited to send a gift even if they’re not able to make it to the wedding, never assume or expect that they will do so. Remember, your wedding is a celebration of love, not a gift-receiving event.
– Wednesday

Ask Wednesday

Dear Wednesday,
My fiancé and I have been living together for years and do not need traditional wedding gifts. What is the best way to ask for money instead?

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There is no appropriate way to ask for cash gifts. A great alternative to traditional wedding registries is to set up a honeymoon or wish fund. Check out honeyfund.com, depositagift.com, or uponourstar.com. For a small fee, usually a percentage of gifts received, these websites allow you to register for non-traditional things such as a romantic dinner or a scuba diving adventure. It also gifts you the option of splitting up big ticket items. For example, you can register for a new refrigerator and divide the cost into $50 increments.

– Wednesday

Ask Wednesday

Dear Wednesday,
As a wedding gift, my parents offered to pay for the photographer. When we found the perfect photographer and let my parents know about the package deals, my mom completely flipped out at the $3000 price tag! I personally think that it’s very reasonable for what is included (e-pics, 2nd shooter, 30 pg wedding album, 2 parents albums, 1 large framed print, etc.). My mom keeps referring to how much they spent on a photographer when they got married 30 years ago. What do I do?

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When family members or close friends offer a specific wedding item as a gift, it is best to discuss a ballpark figure of what they’re estimating. This helps to avoid any misunderstanding or confusion as you (or they) research the gift. You should discuss with both your parents about how much they would like to spend on photography. If their estimate is below what you would like to spend, considering paying for the difference. If you decide to go this route, make sure to keep your parents in the loop and communicate with them openly so that they don’t mistake your decision as being unhappy with how much they’re able to contribute. You just don’t want anyone to get their feelings hurt! Also, you can ask your photographer to put together a custom package based on your budget. You may have to compromise and do without the extras (parents albums, large print, etc.), but you can buy these items at a later date as long as you have the hi-res images on a DVD. For more suggestions and tips on the budgeting process, check out The B Word Pt 1 and Pt 2!
– Wednesday

Ask Wednesday

Dear Wednesday,
How much should I spend on a wedding gift?

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It depends on many factors such as your financial situation, your relationship to the couple, whether or not you are bringing a date, and the location of the wedding. For example, if you are flying across the country to attend the wedding, you may be expected to gift a bit less. You should also take into considering how many wedding-related events you’ll be attending. It’s suggested that you spend about 20% of your gift budget for each event and the rest toward the wedding gift. For a co-worker or an acquaintance, you should spend about $75-100; for a family member or friend, you should spend about $100-125; for a close relative or close friend, or if you are part of the bridal party, you should spend about $125-150. Don’t forget to count your date! If your close friend is getting married and you’re bringing a date (someone who does not know your friend very well), your gift budget should be around $200 ($125+$75). If you are attending this friend’s engagement party, bridal shower and the wedding, spend about $40 each on the shower and engagement gifts, and about $120 on the wedding gift. (Also, Check out this Gift Calculator by The Wedding Envelope.)
– Wednesday